At what point does marriage become a fiction? Each pair has its own way, but here’s what we tell you: a woman usually understands this first. Lying in bed without sleep, at two in the morning, she looks at the ceiling and thinks: “This is not love. It’s a road to nowhere. I did not sign for this. ” And you, without suspecting anything, sleep next to her. It happened so with K. and N. (following text is based on true story, so we decided to hide real names of main characters).
Dinner time, N. whispers: “When the children will go to sleep, I need to talk to you about something.” K. thinks: “Okay.” He does not know that the countdown of the last minutes of his familiar life has already gone. Imagine yourself in their apartment that evening: a kitchen, a “fashionable” renovation, a tablecloth in polka dots, a family of four sit at a table eating pasta.
But an hour later, when the children are already in bed, N. stops K. in the corridor and asks, now more insistently: “Can you go into the bedroom for a minute?”. He goes into the room, automatically stops at the far corner of the bed, from his “side”. She steps in, closes the door and turns to face him – on the other side of the bed. She looks at him and says: “I can not live with you anymore, we need to get a divorce”.
- sits down on their designer bed. Leans back on the old wooden door. It somehow makes him sick.
“Do you have someone?” – “No! I have no one! ”
- meets his question with a little restrained irritation; she often responded at it in 10 years of marriage. For the next few hours, N. talks about everything that she did not like about K. and their marriage; remembers all the secret insults and composes absurd accusations. Then she abruptly falls silent, they lie down in this bed together. N. falls asleep, K. looks into the darkness. And wakes her every hour.
“I can fix everything, just say it.”
And then: “You just got angry, right?”
The next time she almost screams at him, almost with phrases from the tv-series: “You never took me for who I am! You wanted me to lose weight! Wiser! You criticized me all the time! “. He protests from the darkness: “But I have changed. Do you see that now I try not to find fault with you or with the children? ”
And he hears in reply: “It’s too late. I have long said goodbye to this marriage “.
It seems that everything described above is part of a mediocre drama that is shown on TV. But the irony is that the basis for such “cheap” dramas lie in real events that did not seem so mediocre to their participants.
Whoever said anything, but a greater burden of responsibility during the divorce lay down for a man. We are not only talking about the material component of responsibility, but also about the moral side of the issue. Therefore, it is important for a man to survive this difficult period with dignity. This will make life easier for him and his former family. That`s why rules of divorce for men appeared and that`s why it is better to learn them.
If it seems strange to you that for such a situation there is an unspoken code of conduct, also made up on the basis of gender, think about this: in life situations, that are extreme for the psyche, people are overwhelmed with emotions. And where there is a surplus of emotions, there are always regrets about what was done and said in a fit of despair, euphoria – it does not matter. The only “lifebuoy” in this storm is attitudes based on intelligible and noble principles. In this case, this is the installation to be a real man to the very end and help yourself and others involved in divorce to survive this painful period with minimal losses thanks to the rules of divorce. It sounds cynical, but it works and this is the only acceptable option for many of us.
That’s what we call divorce rules for men from natalydate.com:
- Knowing the rules of divorce with children is very important, so we’ll start with this. First, if your children have already gone to school, they know exactly what a divorce is. In each class there is at least one child whose parents are divorced. Therefore, be honest with the children. Tell about the divorce in the presence of their mother, but speak for yourself – the words of the father are always perceived as a certain Life Rule that is not questioned. Secondly, do not argue over who will live with whom. At least at first time. Leave the children with their mother.
- After the first shock from the unpleasant news will vanish, concentrate all your attention on building your own bachelor life. This will help you to think in a rational way, not to go deep into your emotions and at the same time you will do a useful thing. Among all divorce rules, thinking of your future and planning is the most important.
- If communication with the ex-wife gives you a serious heartache, tell her about it and limit your personal communication as much as possible. To solve most of the small issues that arise in the process of divorce, correspondence in the business style in some messenger is enough.
- Do not try to deny what happened and do not hope in secret to be reunited. Most likely, it will not happen. You are a man, then you accept life as it is. Without self-deception and without anger for the whole world. This installation will help you not to fall into the abyss of severe depression and prevent the emergence of complexes.
- The only effective cure for this shock is a new relationship. There are separate dating rules after divorce, but at the beginning of the divorce you do not need to think about it – it’s useless. Just scroll in your head the mantra “a new relationship is a new life.”